Things to do today

Every Thanksgiving, Me and He go out of town to have the Big Dinner at his mom's house. And every year, I make a small Thanksgiving meal at home a few days before. This way we can enjoy our own left-overs, etc. The following is my plan for our Thanksgiving.

• Things to do today:
  
  Clean the kitchen and get the turkey ready to put into the oven to bake and then get interrupted by “Him,” asking me to run to Home Depot to get some screws.
  
  Go to HD, look for the screws, look for someone to help me find the screws, finally find the screws without help. Go home with the screws and finish getting the turkey ready for the oven, and then remember it is Monday and I can get a haircut for ½ price before noon. Put the turkey back in the fridge and go to the salon I’ve been using for a couple of years—call it superb trimmings—wait a long time to get a fairly bad haircut. No, to get a really bad haircut.
  
  Stop on the way home to get gas in the car because the gauge is on empty and the little red gas tank light is getting brighter and brighter. Watch the charges go up on the pump but notice there is no gas going into the car. Get the feeling you are in a surreal dream when you pull the nozzle out and see that it is completely dry, there is no gas coming out, but you have been charged $2.46 cents for some air. Call attendant.
  
  Go back home and put the turkey rub on the turkey, put it in the oven, and then go to the store to get stuffing, etc., for the rest of the meal. Notice an organic pumpkin soy frozen pie and decide to try it. Forget to buy chicken broth.
  
  Go back home where “He” wants me to leaf-blow the shin-deep leaves in the back yard—leaves too deep to easily find the doggy-doo for cleanup.
  
  Spend 1-1/2 hours blowing leaves, stir up the leaf mold (allergic to mold so wear a respirator/mask but the mold will get me anyway). Find the doggy-doo after I step in it.
  
  Start coughing with a croup.
  
  When the turkey is done, put the pie in the oven and start prepping the stuffing. Notice I forgot to buy chicken broth, so use some of the drippings from the turkey to moisten stuffing—not waiting to let drippings cool enough to scoop off the fat.
  
  By now it will be too late to run back to the store for anything. There is no time to prep the veggie medley because “He” is hungry. So, reach for the frozen peas and put them in the microwave to thaw and heat while whipping up some gravy (using the turkey drippings that haven’t cooled enough to scoop off the fat).
  Serve dinner, eat, cleanup and start first load in the dishwasher, serve some organic pumpkin soy pie, throw out the awful pie, relax, and watch some TV. The rest will wait until tomorrow.

The foregoing were the actual events of the day.